Sept 16, 2010
Funny how as we grow older we grow lonelier for our children. I remember the day that I could hardly wait for them to move on so I could have a moment of peace. Maybe just time alone in the bathroom without someone knocking on the door crying… hurt feelings, screaming in terror that they are being attacked by a brother or sister or just “hurry up, we have to go”.
Funny when I think about those days now and what I would do just to have them back. What would I do? I would be up at 6am making breakfast and getting them out the door to school. Braiding hair and putting those enormous bows on their little heads. What was I thinking? They were so cute with or without them. Making Halloween costumes and as soon as the leftover turkey was cold in the refrigerator out the door to start Christmas shopping. Always the latest doll or Nintendo games that I had to stand in line for hours to acquire. CD’s, boom boxes, cabbage patch dolls etc. Etc. Those were the good ole days. Jump in the minivan and drive to and from school or dance, music or sports then back home in time to make another wonderful dinner. I always tried to have something special for each one of them for Valentine’s Day. They loved that too.
The sweet babies as they would let out their little squeekie cry in the middle of the night. I would get them up, change them, feed them, burp them and give them a safety kiss to keep them from harm before putting them back in their crib. I miss those babies and would like to hold them again and rock them for a while. My beautiful babies! Why do babies have to grow up and leave you?
Oh, there were those days of terror but I have chosen to forget them somehow. There were so many more times of wonderful.
Remembering the day when they got their mission calls or ask to prom or that marriage proposal!
Then the grandchildren… It’s like having more and more of your child. It must be God’s way of letting you do it again to get it right this time. Couldn’t be better than that.
My youngest, Dallin, is such a joy to us and really intends to keep us young. We still get up and get him off to school then head out to work ourselves. He gives us smiles and kisses and patience for these “old” parents. He is like an only child now. Lonely sometimes and always wanting to be at someone else’s house since his house is so quiet and so far away. I am glad I had so many children. Each one has brought great satisfaction and joy to my life.
Twenty two years ago, the Lord blessed me with three more children. I can’t remember which ones they are but I know there were three additional ones which brought the total to nine. They have all molded together in my mind and heart as “Mine”.
The “children in law” have been chosen so well that I couldn’t have chosen better if I tried. I love and adore them!
I can’t explain what it is. But there is this sense of total love and generosity for these people. They are starting to reciprocate this love and generosity now and it is most amazing. Like we are really one complete circle opening our arms for others to join in, expanding the circle and sharing healing energy and light with one another. I think that will be my definition of “family”.
I do miss seeing them on a daily basis. I know they are all well and building their lives around the next generation and adding elements to their own personalities and spirits. I fear that I am fading out slowly. Whatever, I am fading out. This is how God intended it to be. Life goes on and the new chapters keep opening to be written. It is just a little scary thinking I might be out of their chapters one day. But I am comforted believing that they will never be out of my chapters.
Bless your little hearts and pointed little heads. I love you, my children and grandchildren. I will always love you and I will always pray for you and keep you safe inside my memory and heart. Go, enjoy your life. Remember pray and keep the commandments so we can be together forever. Love one another and pay attention to each other. Don’t let one go “needy” for anything.
Your loving mother, Mom
